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Why You Dissociate — And How to Come Back to Yourself


If you’ve ever felt far away, foggy, numb, or like life is happening through a window, you’re not broken—you’re experiencing dissociation, one of the most common trauma responses there is. And it’s far more understandable than you may think.


Dissociation isn’t a flaw or a failure. It’s a survival strategy your nervous system learned when life was too overwhelming to stay fully present. In moments when fight or flight weren’t possible—especially in childhood—the body protected you by checking out, shutting down, or splitting into “parts” that held different emotions.


In other words:You didn’t dissociate because something is wrong with you.You dissociated because something happened to you.


What’s Actually Happening in Your Brain and Body


When the nervous system senses danger, it fires up the survival pathways. But when the threat feels inescapable, your body flips into a dorsal vagal shutdown—powered by the vagus nerve—designed to numb you, quiet you, and help you endure.

That “spaced out” feeling?That’s your biology trying to keep you safe.

And while it helped you survive then, it can feel confusing, scary, or frustrating now.


Why You Might Dissociate Now

You may notice dissociation when you feel:

  • overwhelmed or emotionally flooded

  • criticized, ashamed, or judged

  • conflict or tension

  • overstimulated, exhausted, or hungry

  • reminded of past trauma

It doesn’t mean you’re unstable. It means your system is doing what it learned to do.


How to Gently Bring Yourself Back

You don’t have to force yourself out of dissociation. In fact, gentleness works much better.

Here are a few simple ways to come back into your body:


1. Orient to the room

Turn your head slowly, look around, name what you see.This tells your nervous system, “We’re here. We’re safe enough.”


2. Use sensation

Press your feet into the floor.Hold something cold or warm.Run your hands under water.


3. Move a little

Wiggle your toes, roll your shoulders, stretch lightly.Movement signals: I’m not trapped.


4. Breathe with a longer exhale

Inhale for 4, exhale for 6–8.This activates the ventral vagus—the part of the nervous system that brings you back online.


5. Talk to the protective parts of you

A simple “Thank you for trying to keep me safe” can reduce internal conflict and soften the dissociation.

Healing Dissociation Takes Time—and Safety

You don’t “fix” dissociation by pushing through or trying harder.You heal it by building safety, slowly reconnecting with your body, and creating space for the parts of you that had to survive overwhelming experiences. Therapy can help you understand your dissociation, work with your nervous system (not against it), and build the internal safety you may have never been given.


By Catherine Kates

MSW, RSW

 
 
 

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Land Aknowledgement

I live and practice on the traditional territory of many nations, including the Mississaugas of the Credit, the Anishinaabeg, the Chippewa, the Haudenosaunee, and the Wendat peoples, in what is traditionally called Tkaronto, covered by Treaty 13 with the Mississaugas of the Credit. I honour the enduring presence, stewardship, and sovereignty of Indigenous peoples on these lands.

 

With deep gratitude to the First Peoples and their wisdom, I acknowledge both the ongoing impacts of colonization and the harms that the fields of social work and mental health have caused—and continue to cause—to Indigenous communities.

 

As a settler and uninvited guest, I take responsibility for continually learning, unlearning, and repairing. I commit to practicing in solidarity with Indigenous peoples, supporting justice, healing, and land back, and working toward relationships rooted in accountability and respect.

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